Thursday, June 9, 2016

WOW- Life as I Know it Right Now


↔ I suck at Running
↔ I suck at Losing Weight
↔ I suck at Being a Friend
↔ I suck at Life in General

Yet once again I took a blogging break as I was (am) in yet another run/funk. Geez adult life is so hard! I really need to stop taking these silly breaks.....blogging helps me clear my mind and stay positive about life situations.

The Negatives going on Now-

↔ Our adult child that moved out, on her own last year with her boyfriend, well now the love isn't so great. One day she wants to come home the next minute she doesn't. It has been a struggle dealing with everything involved with that including unnecessary friction between us at home for various reasons.

↔ I think its a combo of life in general but work is also driving me nuts! Every day seems like a struggle just to get up and get out the door.

↔ I just feel worthless. In the middle of April I made the decision to drop down from a full marathon to a half (in May). Mentally & physically I just wasn't able to do the training therefore I knew the actual race itself was pretty much out of the question. That made me feel like such a loser as I've never had to back down from a race yet. It doesn't help much that I keep losing/gaining the same 5+ pounds not to mention the extra 25 I am packing since 2012. I HAVE GOT TO GET SERIOUS!!

↔ I have lots of friends in general but a few really close 'Best Friends' until now......I am really not sure what exactly I do wrong or why I am such a terrible friend but apparently I am. I have one that has yet to text or even ask me how I was when the last time I saw them (way back in March) I was crazy, terrible sick and ended up having the Flu! After 7 weeks of NOT hearing a word from her I just gave up and quit counting. This one doesn't hurt as bad as the next one as its been an ongoing thing.  I have (possibly had) another best friend that I guess has decided that I am too slow or not a good enough runner or just a terrible person in general. Every time in the last couple of weeks I have asked to run together (which seems like I am the only one that EVER asks) I'm told that they can't but then a little bit later I see on Facebook that they have ran with others??!! HMMMMM....guess I must be the devil?? As I stated this one is hurting me the most, its the person I always pick up my phone to text about anything, everything and nothing at all I catch myself picking up my phone to text then just sit it down and say to myself "oh yeah". I am trying hard mentally to get over this and just move on but it is so hard. Life in general is hard and things like this sure do not help.

I have refrained from blogging because I do feel so negative with everything going on BUT the time has come for me to let it out. Everyday I just want to cry and give up on everything even life itself. Its time to move on. Its time to accept if friends don't want me around in their lives or just don't like me anymore in general then they don't and that is OK! It is time to focus on ME and make ME feel better!

I WILL BE OK. I WILL BE FINE. YES MOM (probably the only person reading this) I WILL BE OK!

Feeling Broken & Lost But I will get there! 

Sweets are my weakness please share your "Sweet Treats" that don't hurt the waist line with me!!
What things do YOU do to help get our of the dumps?

Run Happy ;)


tracy lynn said...

Oh no. I though I was the only one that nobody ever wanted to run with. I started the girls run this town to find girls to run with and no one ever ask me! Well I can count on one hand the number of times I've been ask that I didn't invite myself. In like please someone tell me if I literally stink or what. I once though about taking the group I get so discouraged about it. I find its really hard making friends the olde we get. I don't follow all the trendy stuffy and try to fit in so I guess that's why. But I'm so suprized to read this blog because what I see on facebook when I see your post is a happy mom and very very awesome runner. Hang in there! I'm here if you want a friend.

tracy lynn said...

To help me get out of the dumps, I realize that I have a husband and two kids that have alway love me and support me. While I miss girl time cause my baby girl is 25 and works, then I bug my husband lol